A long way to go

We were sitting across from each other at a table in his basement. I had my laptop sitting between us, with GarageBand open and ready to record our conversation. I was a journalist, he was an Eagle Scout in my troop. And I had some questions.

This was sometime around 2012, if I had to guess. The Boy Scouts’ anti-gay policy had become, once again, a flashpoint of national debate. As a budding journalist and Eagle Scout myself, I felt compelled to join the conversation, even if it absolutely terrified me.

I approached these interviews with a trembling voice and braced for the homophobia that I was sure would come my way. I was surprised when nearly every scout I put my laptop in front of supported inclusion of gay members in the Boy Scouts.

That support, however, did little to allay my fears. Back then, although I didn’t yet identify as gay, I felt like even talking openly about this contentious policy could be enough to stir up trouble in my troop. I was right. The silence I received from adult volunteers communicated a clear message: Be careful what you say, kid; you’re playing with fire.

It wasn’t much longer before this issue became a moot point, anyway. On May 23, 2013, the BSA National Council voted in favor of ending the ban on gay youth members. That would be the first in a domino of policy decisions that, by 2017, rendered the Scouts open to youth of all genders and sexualities.

As we gathered virtually this past Sunday to commemorate the eight years since the pivotal 2013 decision, I couldn’t help but marvel at how far we have come. I thought back to the Mike of nearly a decade ago, terrified to be sitting in front of a laptop asking questions about the gay membership policy. How would he feel to know that, today, that same Mike would be sitting in front of a laptop again, this time as an openly queer person, leading a discussion about the future of LGBTQ+ inclusion in BSA?

I’m sure he wouldn’t believe it. Few would have back then. In my conversation with Scouts for Equality co-founder Zach Wahls on Sunday, he too admitted that the policy changes happened much faster than anyone expected. What he thought would take a decade took only three years. He credited, in part, the rapid pace of LGBTQ+ acceptance that was sweeping the nation in the same years that SFE was pushing for inclusion in the BSA.

If you missed Sunday’s event, you can watch the playback here on YouTube.

So while we’ve come a long way since 2013, Sunday’s event left me with one other big impression: We still have a long way to go. In our small-group conversations especially, we heard from Scouters all over the country who are struggling with inclusion at the local level.

We heard about troop leaders who are trying to balance a desire for equality with the politics of their community. We heard about trans and nonbinary scouts who struggle to find their place at the margins of a binary program. We heard about the lingering policy of exclusion toward atheist and non-religious members. We heard about a sore lack of training around diversity, equity and inclusion. And we heard about councils and chartering organizations that are still reluctant to abide by national membership policies.

But we did not talk solely about the problems. As part of the conversation, our participants also looked to the future, brainstormed solutions to make the BSA more inclusive. Here’s some of what they said:

• “Consider safe space locations at district and council events.”
• “Create space for NYLT staff to discuss how they can make their courses more inclusive.”
• “Support LGBTQ+ organizations through service, just like we do with other organizations.”
• “Use inclusive language in marketing materials.”
• “Be loud and proud about your own identity. Sharing stories that are Scouting-appropriate but affirming of LGBTQ+ relationships.”
• “Make it easier for families to find the right unit for them.”
• “Talking with camp staff about how they can be more inclusive.”
• “Proudly display my pronouns on all of my Scouting materials.”
• “Create sharable diversity, equity, inclusion and justice trainings that can be replicated and adjusted as needed.”
• “I will work to replace leaders who present barriers to LGBTQ parents or youth feeling welcome in our program.”
• “Befriend your charter organization rep and work with them on inclusive practices.”
• “Get rid of the boy troop and girl troop dichotomy.”

It strikes me that so many of these ideas take place on a local level. They won’t and can’t be done from the top down. They will be done by scouts, parents, volunteers and many of the folks who joined us this past Sunday.

But how? That was a question that came through loud and clear. You all are yearning for guidance, resources, community. I’m afraid I can’t provide all of those things with my newsletter. I’m a journalist, telling stories and creating visibility — something I believe is equally important.

So I’ll offer a few things:

• If you’re looking for more community, check out the LGBTQ+ Scouts and Allies group on Facebook.
• If you’re looking for more inspiration, check out Zach Wahls’ book “My Two Moms: Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family.”
• If you’re interested in getting involved in ArrowPride (an inclusive space at the next National Order of the Arrow Conference), reach out to Sam Aronson.

I also need something from all of you. Many of our participants on Sunday said they want to see more events like this, and more frequently. So my question is: What would you want those events to look like? What would they include? How often should they happen? Jump in the comments, or reply to me directly. I want to hear from you.

And finally, I want to thank the stellar team who helped me organize Sunday’s event: Dwayne Fontenette, Patrick Burtchaell, Mitch Leonard, Sam Gartzman, Shawn Knight and Andrew Collins. I seriously could not have pulled it off without them.

If you missed Sunday’s event, you can watch the playback here on YouTube.